Captain Eckert

 Assumed Name: Captain Eckert

Movie Title: Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

Year of Release: 2012

Director: Richard Schenkman

Performance/Costume Review: It's always nice to get to know your zombie before he turns. Such is the case with Captain Eckert. The poor man is the sole survivor after his company is wiped out by a group of "unfortunates" yet interestingly he is the only battle hardened Union soldier with a freshly washed uniform. After an incoherent interrogation led by President Lincoln (naturally) Eckert slips out of mortal reason and turns. He wastes little time getting back to the fight, only this time he's serving in the Army of the undead. He has a commendable first kill but his new rank of Captain Clean Pants is cut short, literally, when he's on the receiving end of President Lincoln's zombie killing sickle.

Brad (aka Bradster)

Assumed Name:

Movie Title: Night of the Creeps

Year of Release: 1986

Director: Fred Dekker

Performance/Costume Review: Brad (or Bradster as his license plate reads) gave a, sorry to say, lifeless performance. After he was turned into a zombie he went to find his ex-girl friend. Now, just for the record, Brad is technically a zombie even though aliens made him that way. It clearly states it in the film, so think of this as a sub-category...alien zombies! Anyway, back to the performance. Based on his swagger and arrogance as a living frat bully I thought he'd really ham it up as a zombie. Instead he just rang the doorbell, sat down and then had his head blown off with a shotgun and later torched with a flame thrower. Weak Brad, weak. That did not "thrill me."

P.S. - Your aryan-blonde hair did look great though.

Jack (The Undead)

Assumed Name: Jack (The Undead)

Movie Title: The Video Dead

Year of Release: 1987

Director: Robert Scott

Performance/Costume Review: Film geeks feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure this zombie is credited as "Jack (The Undead)". Jack played a pivotal role in moving the plot forward because he was the one with the bright idea to escape the television and go on a killing rampage. He's one of those rebel zombies we see from time to time. Recent example being that big guy in Land of the Dead that rallied the troops to cross the river. A thinker, leader and overall Johnny Toughguy. Anyway, Jack played the I'm-on-tv role with a grace and naturalness that only a seasoned thespian could have pulled off. He then stuck his head out like an undead periscope searching for the enemy's battleship and declared war. Jack put his neck out on the line and it paid off, without him there would have been no Video Dead. We are forever in debt to this strategic mastermind.


Assumed Name: Herzog

Movie Title: Dead Snow aka Dod Sno

Year of Release: 2009

Director: Tommy Wirkola

Performance/Costume Review: Wow! An equally beautiful costume and performance from the head Nazi Zombie. He seemed more like a pirate zombie looking for gold, but whatever. He had a "zero tolerance" rule strictly in order. When some Evil Dead rejects broke his rule Herzog summoned an army. Now that is good acting! The dusty jacket matched with a brand new dress cap was a head-scratcher. Most likely he traded his old hat in for a new one sometime within the last 60+ years while he was terrorizing the mountains. I'm sure antique dealers are everywhere in those parts.

Librarian Zombie

Assumed Name: Librarian Zombie

Movie Title: House of the Dead II

Year of Release: 2005

Director: Michael Hurst

Performance/Costume Review: I'm going to be honest with you, I don't even really remember this zombie. I haven't seen this in years. I think she did the stuck-in-when-they-were-human bit and had a librarian reflex. All I know is that I laughed hard enough to screen capture this performance and zombie file her so it must have been good. I mean come on...a librarian zombie. That's funny. I bet the late fees are deadly...ouch!

Female Child Zombie

Assumed Name: Female Child Zombie

Movie Title: Survival of the Dead

Year of Release: 2010

Director: George A. Romero

Performance/Costume Review: Female Child Zombie was a bit of a scene stealer. She interrupted the main cast with a rattle of her chains, the chains that kept her strapped to her crib? Apparently in George Romero's world eight year old children still sleep in cribs.

Fat Zombie Aboard Boat

Assumed Name: Fat Zombie Aboard Boat

Movie Title: Zombi 2

Year of Release: 1979

Director: Lucio Fulci

Performance/Costume Review: "Fat Zombie Aboard Boat" is the actual name given to this guy in the credits, I didn't just make that up. Fat Zombie is a trendsetter, a rebel, an icon. Long before fast-moving zombies made their permanent mark in cinema, Fat Zombie played his part. Now, in all fairness, he wasn't really "fast-moving" but more of a quick-falling zombie. As a cop goes downstairs to inspect a boat he finds a severed hand. Then, out of nowhere, Fat Zombie Aboard Boat busts through the closet and falls on top of the cop, leaving his victim no time to defend himself. After his snack Fat Zombie goes up on deck to get another bite. Unfortunately he didn't have the element of surprise the second time and is quickly shot several times, eventually falling overboard. Fat Zombie your glory will live on forever, well done.